I have a love/hate relationship with outings. On the one hand, it is essential to get out of the house. For my sanity and the kids’ sanity. Not to mention that kids sleep better when they’ve been out and about. On the other hand, it is HARD to get out of the house with a baby and a toddler, and even harder convincing them to go quietly when it’s time to go home.
Have you ever tried negotiating with a two and a half year old? Let me tell you how it ends, more often than not: with me becoming “that mom,” the one yelling at her child, grabbing him by the arm and dragging his limp body across a busy parking lot while he screams and cries. The one sweating and cursing under her breath because it’s near impossible to drag 40 pounds of toddler while wearing 20 pounds of baby. The one completely embarrassed and sure that everyone is watching and judging her (lack of) parenting skills.
One way I try to deal with the time-to-go-tantrum is to tell myself that no one is watching, and that no one cares enough to judge how I handle my kids. This might usually be true, but one Sunday at the library proved me wrong. Sometimes people are watching, but they aren’t judging; they just want to help.
I love taking the kids to the library. It’s free, it’s kid-friendly, and it’s air conditioned – especially relevant during the recent heat wave. After much cajoling and convincing, we arrive, and two-year-old Benjamin is instantly drawn to the computers in the children’s area. When he’s approached by an older boy, maybe seven, I’m preparing for a meltdown. This kid is going to want the computer, and I’ll need to convince Ben to take turns. The kid surprises me by kindly, patiently, showing Ben how to work the computer, and sitting with him for a whole hour while Ben plays his game. Ben is so happy to have an older friend to show off to. This allows me the freedom to do laps around the room with six-month-old Henry, who takes a much-needed nap. I thanked the boy, and I wish his parent(s) had been nearby so I could tell them what a kind thing he did.
On our way out, the inevitable happens. Ben realizes we’re going home, screams, and darts off in the parking lot. I apply the “mom death grip” to his arm and tell him he has to stay near me. For his next trick, he goes completely limp while screaming as if being stabbed with something. My options are: 1) put the baby in his car seat, and go back for Ben (not safe because he might get up and run off in the meantime), or, 2) convince Ben to get in the car while the baby is still strapped to me (that means I can’t easily lift him, and remember the whole negotiating with a two year old thing?)
A woman is getting into her vehicle next to us. She smiles and asks Benjamin if she can help him get in the car. He is so surprised, that he stops crying and says, “yeah.” The woman winks at me and tells me the novelty of someone else helping will probably snap him out of it – and she’s right. He gets in right away and I get both kids strapped in. I say thank you, and that she must have been through this with kids of her own. She says that her kids are grown now, and she understands, because she was a single mom. When she pulls away, Ben yells “bye!” and waves and waves.
I’m so grateful I’m near tears. I’ve been feeling really worn down by parenting lately. I’ve struggled with postpartum depression in the past, and can feel it gnawing away at me again. Neither the little boy nor the single mom could have know how desperately I needed some help that day. They offered because it was the nice thing to do. In the woman’s case especially, instead of judging me, she reached out. And now I’m thinking about how I can do the same. How can I redirect negative energy spent on judgement, jealousy, and bitterness into something positive?
All of us are outnumbered by our children at some point. Even if you have one child, I’m pretty sure a toddler in full tantrum mode is equivalent to two or three children. Next time you feel outnumbered, look around. Help might be closer than you think.
Image from Baby Dicky
This story was submitted by Laura. You can find her on Twitter @LauraTFrey or on her blog- Reading in Bed.
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